The one-armed consultant
Snorrebaard and Krullestaart are evaluating their key performance indicators.
“Our revenues are stagnating,” Krullestaart complains
“Certainly just a summer-dip”, Snorrebaard tries to justify the situation.
“But the orders for autumn are going down…”
“So what can we do against it?” Snorrebaard asks his Cheep Operations Officer.
“I have no idea…”
It’s silent for a while. Both look out of the window. Then, finally, Snorrebaard dares to say what was on his mind for quit some time: “Maybe we should engage a… a consultant?”
Krullestaart jumps up. “A consultant? Do you know what that costs? That will make us bankrupt!”
“It was just an idea. An external view may be very refreshing you know. Maybe he can provide us with a strategy to…”
“Strategy!?” Krullestaart interrupts. “Those consultants just make standard presentations, change a view logo’s, and provide a random advice based on bullshit bingo terminology. If I…” Suddenly he pauses for a moment. “You know what, I’ll show you something!”
Before Snorrebaard can say something, Krullestaart leaves the room and goes down to his workshop, leaving Snorrebaard behind.
Three hours later, he hears Krullestaart calling: “Can you come down now? you must see this!”
Downstairs a huge device occupies the workshop. “What’s that? A gambling machine?”
“Almost! What you see here, is a “one-armed consultant”. In front you have a slot to enter your 1000 Euro bill. And then you pull this handle on the right”, Krullestaart explains
“And what’s next?”
“There are about hundred of different business advices stored in the device. When you release the handle, the one-aremed consultant will randomly present three of them. I bet that those are just as good as the strategic device of a real consultant.”
“Well… if you think so… may I give it a try?”
“Broaden the product portfolio, increase profit margin, strategic acquisition…. Sounds like a proper advice indeed”, Snorrebaard says. “But what concrete measures have to be taken for implementation?”
“The one-armed consultant will leave that up to us. Just like a real consultant would do”, Krullestaart proudly explains.
“And how will we know, whether this is the right Strategy?”
“Very simple: The revenue will go up again.”
“But in case revenues won’t go up?”
“Then the Strategy of the one-armed consultant would still be correct: In that case our implementation was wrong.
“Unbelievable! That is just like being advised by a real consultant indeed!” Snorrebaard says. “Come on Krullestaart, let’s get started!”