Cheesy Business Plan

Do you really think that investors will believe in our e-cheese business model, Krullestaart?

„Of course! We just have to convince them with a solid business plan. Most important is good expertise of the founders of the start-up. I’m sure we are well qualified.

Snorrrebaard.
Cheese Executive Officer

Academic Degree: Master of Disaster of Business Administration

Professional Experience: Daily Quality Assurance of International Cheese Products

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Krullestaart
Cheap Operations Officer

Doctor’s degree in Quatstronautics

Thesis: “Laziness is the mother of Efficiency”

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In addition, we have to show a profitable yet realistic business case.”

“Business Case?”

“Right, our financial planning. And with that, I don’t mean a hockey stick curve, which is just designed to deceive investors to get their money. (In reality, a hockey stick curve still looks like a hockey stick, just upside down)”

“But Krullestaart, you won’t tell them the truth, won’t you? Best case, we manage to achieve an “Everest Curve”. With hard work we will push our revenues higher and higher. But soon, we will reach our peak, and have to give up due to exhaustion.

Probably we follow a Submarine Curve, operating in the negative range. Only for important events, like shareholder meetings or the release of quarterly figures, the profit briefly turns positive. But as we take a breath, we start immersing again.”

“Oh, you’re thinking so linear, Snorrebaard. Most operational processes consider iterations, trial and error, continuous optimisation, kaizen… And what about the latest theories on time-loop physics? In our revolutionary business case, we will strike down the money-time-continuum. Look, it’s easy.

When we recognize that the curve goes down, we simply return to the good times and try again….
Ah! The phone rings!”

“E-Cheese dot com. This is Krullestaart speaking.”
(…)
Ah, Mister John D. Rockefeller?”
(…)
Yes of course. Our bank details? I’ll send you an e-mail right away.
(…)
I understand, by telegraph is also OK.”

The Quatschtronauts.

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